Tuesday, January 4, 2011

One reason I hope God has a sense of humor.

I'm Chubbs and I am a little bit of an asshole. Not in the sense that I go around committing hate crimes or taking candy from babies. I just don’t interact with the public very well. I don’t have a mental illness or some kind of strange phobia; I just don’t like large groups of people. A crowd is only as smart as the loudest one, and given the fact that the louder you are the dumber you are... can you see why I don’t like crowds? Also I don’t have a filter. I laugh out loud at people. I don’t discriminate either. Handicapped, Black, White, Mexican, Asian, if you act like your stereotype, I laugh. I know I am going to hell but I am going to have fun on the way down.

So my wife and I went out to eat at an all you can eat buffet one day. We don’t get to go out a lot mainly because I don’t want to go. Seriously who wants to go be served by minimum wage, pimple faced, teenagers who only got a job to by pot and video games? But as my wife puts it "it's not all about you!" So every now and then I suck it up and go out into the big bad world with my lovely wife.

While eating I noticed a lot of arm movement coming from a table in our section. I looked over and saw a middle aged couple talking to each other using sign language. It was a very heated discussion judging from the signals and facial expression. Now I continued to watch not because I understand sign language, but because the guy was holding his fork the entire conversation. If you have ever seen a sign language you know how animated it is. Now do that with a sharp object in close proximity to a bunch of fat people gorging themselves at a human pig trough and you are asking for mass fatality event. My wife is watching me watch this potential fiasco and sees me start to grin. We are still in our first year of marriage so she hasn't learned not to ask me what I am thinking. Our conversation went something like this:

Wife- what are you grinning at?
Me- the couple over there flailing around.
Wife- that's sign language you ass, don't make fun.
Me- why not it’s not like they can hear me, besides he is signing with a fork in his hand.
Wife- so he is talented
Me- you freak out when I talk with my mouth full. Besides if he doesn't tone it down someone is going to lose an eye.
Wife- you are an asshole!
me- why am I the asshole, he is the one waving a fork in that lady's face like some Asian kid at dancing to techno with glow sticks all over the place. Look at him.

So my wife and I turn our attention back to the epic sign language debate only to see the couple glaring at us. Apparently they were not deaf, just mute.

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